


And Swallow Up Existence With A Yawn

by Polarissruler



Category: Persona 4, Persona Series
Genre: AU where Yosuke is the murderer, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bad Ending, Blood and Injury, Gen, Graphic Description, Horror, Insanity, Murder, Paranoia, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:07:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24695773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarissruler/pseuds/Polarissruler
Summary: Yellow rain fell through the yellow fog over the yellow corpse. She had never cared for him, had she? Just like everybody in the town, Saki was going to only use Yosuke and discard him like thrash once she was done! He had to throw her away first.
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everybody. So, this little thing is not in my plans - I know, I know. It was originally a part of a long-fic that went through endless edits and changes and was supposed to describe a whole year from Yosuke's life in Inaba. Yet the more I wrote of it, the more it felt like useless padding to reach those two chapters. So here is the result of a year editing, writing, and finally cutting out.
> 
> The title is taken from Bauldiere's poem "Au Lecteur".

Yosuke's hands were shaking. Fat raindrops hit the window, mercilessly pushed by the wind. Fog, thicker than any curtains, hid the town, clearing space for all Shadows in the TV.

Every second became an eternity: so long that it never ended, yet so short that Yosuke hoped it would linger for another moment. Saki Konishi - was fighting against her own self inside the TV World. She could have died minutes ago; she could still struggle on her last legs.

At midnight, as the last droplets fell and the skies began clearing, the TV glitched. Cracks of static and a pale silhouette filled the screen. A shrill voice distorted through heavy filters tried to scream like a ghost from a B-movie.

The last screams of a dying girl.

His hopes became a reality when the odd picture - as if drenched in acid - dissolved: big spots grew and ate through the gray static. The black screen stood inside the red edges.

**Congrats! Your first real murder victim!**

The Shadow said all Yosuke wanted to hear so much; what he dreaded hearing so much. Murderer! The chain tightened around his exposed neck like a noose. He felt the cold metal, the sharp rust; a hooded figure rose its horrible scythe, red with blood and aimed at Yosuke. With closed eyes, he braced for the impact.

Falling on his bed, Yosuke laughed. Murderer! Destructive power came over him. He wanted to scream, to shout! Everybody was going to speak about the second corpse tomorrow! Everybody was going to fear him, to think of him! He had craved a terrible place in people's minds!

Yosuke jumped on his feet. His father was sleeping; no noise unless Yosuke wanted to explain. Ah, but his father would eat any shitty explanation - maybe a hideous nightmare…

A nightmare with his murdered mother's body again would work.

Oh, how foolish he had been to fear it! The little kid had barely stomached a single death. Laughing louder than any of his schoolmates ever did, Yosuke drove himself to tears.

Had he been so pitiful? Had he feared to be a murderer?

Yellow poison dripped in Yosuke's thoughts. More disgusting than mercury, more dangerous than lead, more potent than morphine and faster than cyanide, it infected his mind. He could do anything he wished! Never again he had to care about other people! He could earn all he wanted! His power was a one-way ticket to the adventure of his lifetime!

What next, what next? As swiftly as it came, the boiling excitement cooled down, leaving some last sane fragment to stab Yosuke with their icy crystals of guilt.

No! So cold, so cold! What next? What next? Another victim! No, it would rain again after a whole month! Month? How would he survive so long? No, he could not wait!

Tomorrow people were going to find the lifeless body. Tomorrow people were going to fear Yosuke. Tomorrow he could become a legend. Tomorrow, he could die, torn apart between his nightmarish thoughts or chocked with a cold, metal chain. Tomorrow, he could be in a prison, struggling for his life.

Тomorrow was not going to come. Why should he wait so long?

Yosuke ran in the town. His socks drenched from running in the streets. His body shook from the brutal cold his thin pajamas could not stop. Every few meters, he would stop in the bright cone under the streetlights - the only islands in the dark sea - and look at the roofs. He saw nothing through the fog - yet those policemen would crowd it and take away Yosuke's last hope! It had to be at night.

Yosuke slipped over the wet street. He lost balance and, waving arms uselessly, fell on the ground. Stand up! How could he find his goal on the ground?

Useless. His sore legs, tired and aching, had no power to raise him from the ground. Yosuke lied on the wet, cold ground, lost in a fog, so thick, that he could not note the doors around him. How could he find the roofs?

His eyes closed. The rhythmic sound of water dropping from the facades lulled him to sleep. Yosuke looked up at the gray and expressionless sky.

Near one broken and old building that barely existed, stood a street lamp. The dying lamp stood close enough and the building was short enough that Yosuke could see its roof. With childish, eager hope, he looked at the antenna - so ancient it had broken in two.

Like a tiny, steady river, droplets of blood fell from the crack. As soon as they hit the roof, they evaporated. Red, faint mist swirled around the antenna and formed the outline of an unconscious body. Even the fierce wind could not change its shape. The bloody red gave way to colors - gray, yellow, and black. Untouched, Saki Konishi's body hung from the antenna, head down.

The next day, the police declared her tragic death.


	2. Chapter 2

Wake up, check the news, go to school. Yosuke's life had returned to normality. The police interrogated him a few times The tall detective suspected him but never voiced it.  
They could not catch him! Evidence? What flimsy evidence, short of self-admission would trap him?

And what if he didn't sleep in the past few weeks? What if he saw those eyes, yellow and sharp, digging in his mind and never letting him forget the promise he made a few months ago.

Only a few months? A whole eternity had passed in that time between his oath - loud and clear - and today's reality, harsh and cold like the wind blowing outside.

Yosuke glanced at his clock. Sometime after three a.m. He should sleep…

He could not. Dreams had left his head long ago, replaced with nightmares. Konishi stood up, freed herself from the antennae, and walked to Yosuke. Blood poured out of her mouth, her dull eyes, her deaf ears. It evaporated just as quickly, forming a thick red mist. Like a ghost, no, like a ghoul, bent on killing Yosuke, she walked closer, pouring even more fog. Only the little, red pool that formed under her feet showed her location. Every night, Yosuke reeled further and further back as Saki attacked him, until falling in the big flat screen in Junes that had swallowed all his victims.

He simply avoided sleeping rather than risking the terrible nightmares.

Yet the boredom that strangled Yosuke more than any horrific nightmare. The clock tickled between ten and seven soaked his mind and washed away any thought. Yosuke tried to spend a night or two in bed, unmoving and still, hoping for a moment of pleasant sleep. Useless. Why would any God hear a Sinner's prayer?

Somewhat after three a.m. His father was snoring loudly in his bedroom on the first floor. Yosuke sneaked in the bathroom slowly, avoiding the creaky spots on the floor - like a floating ghost. He lit the lamp. After blinking a few times due to the sudden light, he looked at his reflection and tried to force a smile.

His dull reflection returned him a cruel, weak grin. Messy locks were losing color at the roots and turning the usual dark brown. His eyes - with bags so deep he could fit all his problems inside - forced themselves to stay open. Yellow spots grew thrown apart in the brown, like little infections that spread. Yosuke's back hunched. He could not find the power to stand up straight - as if the hideous nightmares, hopes, fears, and excitement had broken him in two…

A horrific, empty laugh filled the frozen silence. Yosuke covered his ears, the senseless, soulless sound thrusting him even further. Yes! No! He punched the mirror, a huge crack cutting his reflection in two. The yellow-eyed half looked at the bleeding hand, more torn apart than cut. The wounds stung on the air; warmth spread across Yosuke's body. Shaking, he looked at it. The pain was forgotten for a moment, he took a glass shard from the shattered mirror and cut a huge wound on his arm.

A faint touch of blood burnt on the air. Was everything Yosuke did so pitiful?

 **Face it,** came the nightmarish voice once again **, you are a failure! Too afraid to live the life in Inaba, too afraid to show your hate, too afraid to flee this town once for all! Even if you kill everybody in the town, nothing will change! You cannot leave this boring world, yet you do not want to stay! What, then? Living day for day, killing people, hurting yourself, fighting on the verge of exhaustion, not alive at all, yet a step away from death?**

"Shut up!" Yosuke punched the cracked mirror, even more blood gushing out of his hand. Again and again, like some possessed machine, stuck on a haywire piece of code, he turned the shards in dust that dug deep in his skin. It burnt like fire - the only warmth that had ever lit up those deep corners of Yosuke's suffering soul, the need for feeling that even the yellow could not reach.

The bloody, limp excuse for an arm hit the wall. Yosuke had driven a hole in the shattered glass, splinters stuck everywhere in his skin. He held his arm, wincing in pain as skin touched the raw wounds. Useless, completely useless; the laugh - that horrible, yellow laugh still haunted him…

Yosuke ran outside, putting on no jacket. Fat rain droplets fell on his body, stinging his arm like acid. A trail of burning red and glass shards followed Yosuke everywhere. He ran over the vacant streets, laughing like the madman he had become. He smiled - and his smile grew wider with each drop that burnt him. His laugh got louder every time he slipped, fell, and stood up again. He ran faster every time he saw his reflection in cracked windows, puddles, or his own thoughts. Every time he saw that wounded boy, broken, twisted, and with a bloody arm, he wanted to cry…

A tall object blocked Yosuke's path. With all raw power in Yosuke's body - forced beyond its limits and running on pure emotion, he hit it. An immovable pole hit by a tiny, almost insignificant living bullet. Yosuke fell on his wounded hand.

Scorching-hot pain lit his battered body. He tried to push himself. All his powers had run out, cold rain fell over him and he wanted simply to sleep. To sleep in the rain and never wake up, forgotten by everyone…


End file.
